When Your Sex Drives Don't Match by Sandra Pertot

Author:Sandra Pertot
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Perseus
Published: 2010-06-02T16:00:00+00:00

KEY CONCEPTS

MEANING: For you, carrying out the specific behavioral routine is not primarily about the expression of love or emotional connection (although that may be part of your desire), but about satisfying your inner needs that have arisen from increasing physical tension and mental preoccupation. If you are able to maintain a separate sexual relationship with your partner in which the paraphilia plays only a minor role, then partnered sex can be about emotional intimacy between you.

BELIEFS: You may believe that your special sexual requirements are unusual and regard them as a problem and go to some lengths to hide them. However, it is more common now to see Compulsive lovers who believe that their needs are an important part of who they are as an individual and are confident enough to ask their partner to accommodate them.

EMOTIONS: The emotional states that fuel your sexual desire are often stress and agitation, but if you are comfortable with your paraphilia, then feelings of well-being can also bring on a pleasurable anticipation of the next time you will be able to engage in the ritual.

Negative emotions such as fear of discovery and possible humiliation may put a hold on your plans, but if the paraphilia is strong, this does not necessarily mean that the desire is suppressed. If the paraphilia is relatively mild, you can be distracted by other demands of life, and in this case the need and urgency may fade until the next opportunity occurs.

SENSES: You may have a collection of erotic material or objects that you use regularly to stimulate your arousal, but any accidental contact (visual, auditory, or tactile) with anything connected to the specific paraphilia can trigger excitement.

Depending on how aroused or preoccupied you become from this contact, withdrawal of the material or lack of opportunity to act may decrease your sexual desire.

THOUGHTS: Many Compulsive libido types try to control their compulsive behavior either because they feel it is wrong (even mild Compulsive libido types may feel guilty about acting on their desires occasionally) or because it takes up too much of their time and is affecting other areas of their life. Nevertheless, you experience a typical thought sequence that will eventually lead to once more performing the ritual. For example, if you have a clothing fetish that involves spending hours dressing up, you may think, “I’ll just have a look at the clothes; I won’t do anything.” This then leads to something like, “It won’t hurt if I just try it on,” and so bit by bit you allow the thoughts to take you further and further toward acting on the compulsion.

The thoughts that may control the actions (if not the feelings) are usually around fear of discovery, particularly if you have promised your partner to stop, and thinking of this may curb your desire and behavior. Mild to moderate Compulsive lovers are more able to suppress or delay their desire by conscious thoughts, whereas the strong Compulsive lover finds it difficult.

WANTS FROM PARTNER: The ideal

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.